So, looking at the series of blockbuster moves the Wal Mart gang has pulled off this month, I asked our Czar (Mike Taylor) to break down each moves as if one of our contending teams had made the move. I think he nailed it.
Czar Please partake in an exercise
Posted by Bart Ewing (Just a Small One) on 7/29/2014 12:10 PM
I would like you to do your trade commentary on the following Royals moves as if they occurred in our Roto league by a team in similar situation as Royals, a team on the fringe of making a money push and going for it- Teams in this vein would be Suckass or Small Ones or Strangeglove, team that mathematically could do it bit it will take a move or two. How would the Czar respond to these playoff push moves
1. Signing R Ibanez on a FAAB
2. Signing S Downs on a FAAB
3. Trading Spencer Patton farm player for Jason Frasor
4. Trading D Valencia for E Kratz and L Hendricks
I would like you to do your trade commentary on the following Royals moves as if they occurred in our Roto league by a team in similar situation as Royals, a team on the fringe of making a money push and going for it- Teams in this vein would be Suckass or Small Ones or Strangeglove, team that mathematically could do it bit it will take a move or two. How would the Czar respond to these playoff push moves
1. Signing R Ibanez on a FAAB
2. Signing S Downs on a FAAB
3. Trading Spencer Patton farm player for Jason Frasor
4. Trading D Valencia for E Kratz and L Hendricks
Here goes
Posted by Mike Taylor (Snakes Huckleberrys) on 7/29/2014 2:40 PM
Czar says:
1. Signing R Ibanez on a FAAB:
Royals attempt to intimidate the competition by demonstrating they have a roster so tight and a budget so large they can piss on both by signing a player they refused to sign when he was a solid return on the dollar. It pains the Czar to bag on a player he has always liked, but damn, the man is done done done. And although he can’t quite get around on the fastball, he makes up for it by not being ableto cover any ground. On the plus side—seeing him on the field makes me feel a little less decrepit. Done deal.
2. Signing S Downs on a FAAB:
Goddammit! I should not have to put down my drink to enter a Fucking (yes that is his first name) Scott Downs signing. Downsy was irrelevant even when he was relevant. But I suppose it is S.O.P. for major league teams to use up a roster spot for those games when you are having your ass handed to you and you don’t want to damage a human being by submitting him to a two-fisted beating. ..enter Fucking Downs, the human punching bag. If this “man” enters a game that is closer than 14 runs I will have to shove the neck of a full bottle of Wild Turkey down my throat and inhale at a rate fast enough to send me into a protective coma. Done deal.
3. Trading Spencer Patton farm player for Jason Frasor:
Waittaminnit…didn’t I already enter this move?!? No, wait, that was Fucking S Downs. No matter how badly this deal makes me feel, imagine poor Patton. You go to work one day and they tell you that you are packing your bags because the organization has decided they would rather have a pile of regurgitated whiskey, semen, and Taco Bell from the toothless mouth of a 47 year old methwhore, than you. Done deal (but I am feeling a little violated).
4. Trading D Valencia for E Kratz and L Hendricks:
Clearly The Royals have identified the last missing pieces to a become a bona fide juggernaut—a backup catcher with the potential to blossom into a backup catcher (although he was 3rd on the ‘ol depth chart of his last team) and a pitcher who was released by the Twins—yes the same twins that are running out Kevin Correia and Logan Darnell every 5 days. These guys better be giving blow jobs in the locker room or otherwise I just don’t get it. Maybe Moose had an eye transplant and all of a sudden he can see the ball coming out of a lefty’s hand.
One thing is for certain—with this flurry of game changing roster moves the Royals are demonstrating a level of commitment that should inspire the fan base. I understand they have announced a new between inning contest for the stadium faithful: one lucky fan will be handed a luger with one bullet—the rest of the crowd gets to guess if he’ll shoot one of the New Royals or stick the barrel in his mouth and remind the world what it means to be a Royals fan. Done deal.
And now my head hurts.
Czar says:
1. Signing R Ibanez on a FAAB:
Royals attempt to intimidate the competition by demonstrating they have a roster so tight and a budget so large they can piss on both by signing a player they refused to sign when he was a solid return on the dollar. It pains the Czar to bag on a player he has always liked, but damn, the man is done done done. And although he can’t quite get around on the fastball, he makes up for it by not being ableto cover any ground. On the plus side—seeing him on the field makes me feel a little less decrepit. Done deal.
2. Signing S Downs on a FAAB:
Goddammit! I should not have to put down my drink to enter a Fucking (yes that is his first name) Scott Downs signing. Downsy was irrelevant even when he was relevant. But I suppose it is S.O.P. for major league teams to use up a roster spot for those games when you are having your ass handed to you and you don’t want to damage a human being by submitting him to a two-fisted beating. ..enter Fucking Downs, the human punching bag. If this “man” enters a game that is closer than 14 runs I will have to shove the neck of a full bottle of Wild Turkey down my throat and inhale at a rate fast enough to send me into a protective coma. Done deal.
3. Trading Spencer Patton farm player for Jason Frasor:
Waittaminnit…didn’t I already enter this move?!? No, wait, that was Fucking S Downs. No matter how badly this deal makes me feel, imagine poor Patton. You go to work one day and they tell you that you are packing your bags because the organization has decided they would rather have a pile of regurgitated whiskey, semen, and Taco Bell from the toothless mouth of a 47 year old methwhore, than you. Done deal (but I am feeling a little violated).
4. Trading D Valencia for E Kratz and L Hendricks:
Clearly The Royals have identified the last missing pieces to a become a bona fide juggernaut—a backup catcher with the potential to blossom into a backup catcher (although he was 3rd on the ‘ol depth chart of his last team) and a pitcher who was released by the Twins—yes the same twins that are running out Kevin Correia and Logan Darnell every 5 days. These guys better be giving blow jobs in the locker room or otherwise I just don’t get it. Maybe Moose had an eye transplant and all of a sudden he can see the ball coming out of a lefty’s hand.
One thing is for certain—with this flurry of game changing roster moves the Royals are demonstrating a level of commitment that should inspire the fan base. I understand they have announced a new between inning contest for the stadium faithful: one lucky fan will be handed a luger with one bullet—the rest of the crowd gets to guess if he’ll shoot one of the New Royals or stick the barrel in his mouth and remind the world what it means to be a Royals fan. Done deal.
And now my head hurts.
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